Friday, February 23, 2007

Bob Dylan is My Life Coach

My friend has hired a "Life Coach" to help her through a rough patch (divorce, single parenthood) I ran into my friend and her life coach at a local coffee shop, and the life coach tried to talk me into hiring her to improve my life. She was sneaky about it, but I knew that's what she was up to. She asked all these obvious questions. I started asking her questions -- she wouldn't answer at first, so I had to keep asking the same questions until she cracked. Turns out this beautiful and outgoing life coach has little life experience. "I have learned about parenting from my wonderful parents!" She told me her only struggle has been trying to lose some of the 50 extra lbs she has gained, that liposuction didn't work for her, and she doesn't "do" exercise. But she was confident that she would get to a healthy weight, as she has willpower. "Never underestimate the power of willpower!" We had to go outside so she could chain-smoke while we talked. Once she started telling me about herself, she could not stop. I had to quickly interject questions. She is living with her parents, as she is an only child. She never has to deal with "mundane things" and her parents just gave her a new car. "I'm blessed!" She has never had time for an actual 'boyfriend' but dates a lot and hopes to marry and have the whole package. "My biological clock is ticking...LOUD!" She has a great laugh. "I am VERY fussy!"

Nothing excites her more than life coaching. "I have found answers and want to guide others!" She has a 600 page manual that she had to practically memorize to become a life coach. She was so confident and had perfect hair. I liked her, and she had me pretty confused. I wanted to have her life for a week. It would be a nice vacation from reality. She was confused too, as she thought I was going to hire her."As your life coach I will be much more hands-on than any therapist--I would empower you, um discover your true self."

I'm sorry, I never lead her on. Isn't life meant to be a little messy & a lot challenging? Maybe you don't need survival skills to be a life coach, but I'd want a coach who'd been around the block a few times (Maybe I don't understand the concept of being life-coached.)

I have a hunch that my "true self" is even more screwed up than the self I am dealing with daily.

Walking home, I realized that I do have a sort of life coach. Sometimes he had serious troubles of his own, and showed me what NOT to do, (become a drunk, talk to the press while drunk, become born again, wear an oversized hoodie sweatshirt, write songs while drunk) He has re-created himself a few times, is a grandfather, a world traveler, not prissy or fussy, a hard working person, sober, exercises regularly, is into art, music, books, and theology... He is still dreaming, still seeking enlightenment.

So cranky looking old Bob has become my life coach. A life coach who isn't afraid to wear a cowboy hat and a polka dot shirt with a really nice suit. A life coach who tells you straight up, that he doesn't have any answers at all, really.